Friends come and go. A few special ones stick by. Most go on by after awhile. I would say most of the friends that go on by, are still friends in my book - I jump up with delight when I see them (though rarely) and come to their side if ever called upon. I'm optimistic in that I think most of them would do the same for me, but I'm left here feeling a little bittersweet about this lately... especially the past few weeks.
The most difficult situation is when you have friends that move on or change stages in life ... and you remain pretty much the same. My girlfriends started disappearing from my world 6-7 years ago as they got engaged, moved into married life, and very quickly into the life of parents. Message and calls that used to be returned within a few hours... sometimes never get returned. Emails get lost. Dinners get rescheduled. They're still disappearing. I have friends that did that getting married thing and are recently coming back into my world as divorcees.... only to go back into "married" life a few months later. I have to say, I am esctatic and elated when my friends are happy and well taken care of. I adore their minis and their happy new homes. Let me restate that - I adore their spouses, their babies/children, all of it. Adore. ... But what's not being said (the elephant in the room) is that I'm also a little sad. I see these awesome changes in their lives - and now I get to see them once a month, then a few times a year, and less and less as the years go by. When I see them, the talk is mostly about children and Costco trips and what room they are re-decorating. ... I can kind of relate, but I wonder, where's my old friend?
I miss you - our talks about me and you (my friend). I am mourning our care-free days at our favorite happy hour drinking cocktails and giggling together. ... I wish we could do chick flicks, do a spontaneous road trip to Portland, ... go hit that fabulous new restaurant that just opened. I want to have you over and drink that delicious bottle of wine I've been saving to drink with a special friend. I feel that most people actually do this mourning in private and quietly - but I don't feel like I can hold it in any longer. Every year, I go and find new friends - and I love my new friends (because I love meeting new people). ... But I want to feel okay about grieving the old friends and our old relationships as they change. I wonder if they grieve a little too - or are they too busy in happy marital bliss with beautiful bundles of joy to notice? I love them, no matter what... but...
Don't you miss me too? Why do I feel a little bad about feeling a little sad about these wonderful changes and blessings? I know I've literally buried myself with projects and work, too ... but that stuff can only fill you up so much, you know? I miss you.... I miss us.
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