The world of relationships is somehow so confusing and frustrating and elusive for some people... including me. I am starting to think that we just are over-complicating it more than we need to - and for love and relationships to become clear,... you just have to grow up a little. I've been a lone soldier-ette for a couple years or so now - dabbling in and out of temporary infatuation, flings, potential romances... sometimes determined to find a certain persona to experiment with, or to maintain my free spirited life full of fun and surprises. Last summer was the summer of "CEO's" - I decided that the kind of guy that would be able to handle me, earn and keep my respect, not be in competition or be threatened by me, and be in a place in life to offer a sense of security was a CEO. *** WRONG *** Tended to be little boys with too much money to throw around and looking more for exotic and fun. Tried the really nice-nice blue-collar so sweet and kind like honey guy who just makes you want to melt into the floor (was not strong enough for me)... or the guy who just needed a little positive energy and to experience love (note: you can't "fix" or "help" people, they come as they are.)... In the past year, I had a guy say to me, "Arry, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me"... and I so wanted to be able to say the same thing back... but I couldn't. He wasn't the best thing that's ever happened to me - I was feeling tortured, in the dark, confused, ... lying to myself daily that all was fine. I really wanted to believe it all... so badly I almost did. Lies are lies.
I don't think it has to be this difficult and dramatic and torturous. It doesn't.
Case in point - my colleague from a couple years ago. Super sweet guy from the Midwest/South. Old-school values. We worked on this cool website for a large internet company together - he was the developer. Every day I'd hear him on the phone with his wife (beautiful, kind woman btw), and on each call I'd hear him say to her, "I love you", or "I miss you". Clear as day - we (all of us in the office) could hear it. He said it quietly, in the hallway outside the office - but no doubt about it, we heard him say those squishy words. Amazing. We'd make fun of him here and there for it. He'd blush, sometimes crack a joke back, ... chuckle. One day while walking to lunch, I asked, "Hey Mike, How did you know your wife was the one for you?" He smiles. He looks at me and says, "because from the moment I met her, I've always thought of her as the nicest person in the world. She's still the nicest person I know."
Wow. He values and treasures her. I think when we start to grow up a little, you look for a life partner who has values that are honorable, respectful, and respectable. Well, as a woman, you pick (not look for) dates and allow suitors that have those (worthy) values. I've been working on getting there - determined now to not give my heart to just any one. I'm going to take my time and intentionally and purposefully pick the right one to give my heart to. My next post will most definitely have to be about the "Pickers and Pickees". Mina and I had a long discussion about this recently that I have to share with you. In the meantime, wanted to remind myself/you about my post from awhile ago, 20 relationship rules.