I find that I am a seasonal person - I've got a natural wave that I ride throughout the year and it changes with the seasons. The "dips" where I begin questioning my direction in life, what I'm doing, and whether it's right for who/where/what/when I am happens usually in April and August. I think I noticed this seasonality in my early 20s... and it still remains true today. What I do know is that around these times, I try and make a conscious decision on the theme of that season (rather than just riding it unconsciously). I prefer to think that I own the choices and life I live.
My dip, as usual with my cycles, began in August again this year and continues on. I'll work myself out of it - maybe push it to the side again until the spring, OR maybe I'll look directly at it and ponder for awhile. Chew on it. This year, 2013, I'm chewing on it. I pushed it to the side last fall (2012), I distinctly remember that. In the spring of this year (2013), I remember having that itchy memory come up, but was so busy with this circus of a project that it got shoved into the corner.... until now.
I'm still dealing with it. August... September... and now, we're just about to enter October. It's been really bugging me - nagging me in the back of my mind with family, reading books, on walks... at work. Oh gosh... ESPECIALLY at work. I've grown as a human being, as a human adult over the past few years - and am very proud of the progress I've made (thanks to the help of those in my life, my husband, my family, my friends, my colleagues, my involvement with Pathwise). I have a vision of where I'd like to be in the next 6-10 years... and I feel torn. I see multiple paths. I see opportunities. I see so many choices. Crossroad. Fork. Suffering, excitement, anxiety, fear, confusion, determination, strength, wisdom, freedom all at the same time. ... It's October already... do I need to decide right now or do I push it to the side again until the Spring?