I had two conversations on the topic of love today (what a surprise) that left some marks on my heart. My day is over and I'm feeling a little somber, tired... ... just tired. Why are we so cynical when it comes to love? Why do we make it so hard for each other?
Couple snapshots from the conversations:
I consider myself a novice in the world of blogging, and as you can see, learning as I go. We have learned to keep the posts under 500 words, put up more pictures, use bullets and lists as much as possible, etc...
Lately the feedback from everyone has been put more of myself out there. More? Really, more? I felt like I was putting so much of myself out there already. Huh, how!? Okay. Okay... okay... I'll try it. It's not easy, throwing my raw thoughts onto the big world wide web for anyone out there to read. I even thought about starting a new blog or pretending we have a guest blogger ... obviously, we've gone with plan A - Arry writing it as herself and putting it out there. Nervous.
I will commit to 10 posts with real stories about what's going on - not just the things that are going on in my head - but real life stories. If I stray from my usual themes of love and relationships, forgive me. Whatever the case may be, I will do my best. (I'm feeling really nervous... so please, leave comments. You don't have to agree or support, only leave your true thoughts. It makes this blogging adventure more fun for me.). Will have to think of a funny title to go along with it.I'll start tomorrow... this is my post for today.
On the plane ride back from New York City, I started reminiscing - thinking about the journey I've had so far and all the different hats I've worn in my short life. Turns out, it's pretty interesting. List of all the different jobs I've had and gotten paid for (and not in any particular order):
Read this love story recently and wanted to share it with you. Love means something very real to me, more than words can explain. I have not and will not let love become spoiled from those who were careless in how they handled my heart. (Neither should you). To me, love is best taught though a person's actions - in this story, the act of loving without having seen a person's face. Isn't this what the word faith is all about?
John fell in love with a woman. He stood by his love and owned it all the way through.
John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn't, the girl with the rose.
His interest in her had begun thirteen months before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the notes penciled in the margin. The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner's name, Miss Hollis Maynell. With time and effort he located her address. She lived in New York City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself and ... [Read the rest of the story here]
"Tell me whom you love," Houssaye wrote, "And I will tell you who you are..."
Bring it! and then, ... Own it!
Ah, ... so I mentioned rubberbands and theories a few posts ago. I've been pondering this a bit over the past couple years, and more recently, the past couple weeks. Conclusion. Yes, I believe them.
So this was the invention of John Gray, author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Awesome and worthwhile read if you haven't read it yet. Synopsis: the rubberband theory refers to the male intimacy cycle. Men lose themselves when he has been deeply intimate with a woman for an extended period of time - in pulling away and going into a "cave" (figuratively), it's a way for him to find himself again. Gray says, "Pulling away gives him time to reestablish his personal boundaries and fulfill his need to feel independent." So that's the rubber band theory.
Advice for the woman who has a partner in "cave" mode:
Now rope theory - I had never heard of this before until I overheard the crew of colleagues I work with in my day job as a happy-go-lucky IT consultant. It's always so interesting to hear this stuff from the man's point of view. Background - my IT consulting colleagues are generally men. No surprise there - IT, high tech, men. My particular company, group of IT consulting colleagues are good men. Good people - very important to me. In general, my colleagues are happily married devoted family men - so when I heard them chuckling away at this rope theory, my ears perked up and away I went asking them questions about it whenever I got a chance.
Rope theory: when in a relationship, men have to remember to "pull the relationship rope". Rein the rope in. I heard this and I went, "WHAT, FOR SERIOUS!?" Wait, what do you mean? So you've heard me say it before many times, man must treasure his woman, woman must respect her man, - this totally goes along with that idea. I realized that until very recently, I've been looking at the relationship bus all wrong. The bus driver is not the man, it's the woman. The navigator is not the woman, it's the man. Net - the man has to give his woman a lot of rope, to say what she wants to say, to be who she is, do what she wants to do; and if she starts driving the bus off the prescribed path, the man's gotta pull the rope in and get the bus back on track. (Of course, all this in an appropriate manner and respectfully.)
An example one colleague gave me was one where he described his very extroverted wife who loves to pack their social calendar. He's a very introverted guy and doesn't enjoy the social events as much. The events become draining - and home duties start piling up when the couple is out often. He reigns the rope in and says something to the effect of, let's take it more easy this weekend and take care of our home... what do you think?
There's a bit of truths in these theories. I'm liking these. More to ponder...
Check it out. This is seriously one of the coolest proposals I've seen. Amazing.
This long exposure, and the making of footage, were shot over three nights in Raleigh, North Carolina as a proposal to Emily Kern. The words "Emily, will you marry me?" Were spelled out in light writing. The final image is made up of approximately 800 individual 10 second exposures.
Read an article somewhere in the past few months and thought I'd share my own list with "tidbits" here and there based on my own experiences/research.
The most successful couples 1) make an active commitment every day to their partner, it's a choice you make and then don't screw it up; 2) are in tune with their partner - this requires a strong commitment to communicate (and this doesn't always have to be verbally) and 3) have strong respect for the other as a good person (they share the same values/vision for the future). I'm going to repeat this again afterwards.
1. Say "I love you" and "Have a good day": Show your partner that you have good intentions for your love and for their well being.
2. Walk hand-in-hand/side-by-side: This is a must. It shows you like being together, that you are "equals". You and your love move at your own pace - the world is your playground.
3. Go to bed at the same time: Remember the early days when you couldn't wait to be in bed together? This is prime "connecting" time for you and your partner.
3a. Say "Good night" every night, no matter what: Actively commit once a day - show through your actions that you are choosing to be committed to your loved one every day.
4. Common+Uncommon interests: Have both common interests/hobbies and those you do on your own. Both are important to maintain balance in the relationship. (Don't try and always outperform your partner either).
5. Make trust/forgiveness your default mode: Focus more on what your partner does right: Believe in their good intentions and take a leap of faith and trust them sometimes. You should have already screened your partner for integrity, trustworthiness, strong values before committing to them.
6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work: Human touch is very important - human beings are social beings. Hugs and touch relax and comfort - and studies have also shown that couples that hug/kiss more, have stronger immune systems. I call it "belly love".
7. Do a "weather" check during the day: it'll help you be in sync/in tune with each other. When you can, ask your partner how their day is going. Some people don't want to be disturbed at work - so do this as appropriate.
8. Be proud to be seen with your partner: because you belong together! ^_^
These are habits. With the right partner, these should come automatically - or you should really want to make them habits with that partner and consistently do them to make them habits (21 days straight to make a habit, right?).
Again, the most successful couples 1) make an active commitment every day to their partner, it's a choice you make and then don't screw it up; 2) are in tune with their partner - this requires a strong commitment to communicate (and this doesn't always have to be verbally) and 3) have strong respect for the other as a good person (share the same values/vision for the future).
I've been mulling over my next posting lately: about the rubberband theory and the rope theory. More to come.
Seriously... when I got Mochi back in July 2005, I had no idea how much this bundle of fuzz would change my life. She shed, she cried, she needed to be walked every two hours, she was afraid of heights, she's always been a super picky eater, she snores, she lets out some majorly stinky farts, ... she chewed up my favorite pair of blue glasses, a pair of beaded heels, my antique sofa (which I got re-upholstered by hand), ... we've had nights in the emergency room to boot where I was worried sick.
This fuzzy baby of mine is like a daughter. She crept into my heart and changed the way I understand life and love forever. Dust, hairballs, mess... whatever. Mud in the car from her muddy paws after playing outside in the park... it's ok. Come home to a bundle of joy and happiness that loves you unconditionally... it means the world to me. I love to see her smile and wag her tail. She even does a booty shake when she's super excited.
She doesn't care if I'm having a bad hair day, if I smell of stress and work, if I'm feeling fat, or if I am cranky because I hadn't eaten all day. She loves me for me. Shouldn't all love be like that? I want love like that with my future husband. Playful love. Accepting. Understanding. Loyal.
The strongest single factor that affects your life's outcome is self-esteem: believing in yourself, believing you can do it, believing you deserve it, believing you will get it. ... believing you are worth every bit of it. (HELLS YEA!)
Yes, you get what you deserve. You get what you put into "it" - and how you deal with the challenges that come along life's way - that's character.
Here's me. 24 hours or so after my last post last night. It's ok to fall, I felt safe to do that. It's ok to not to fall, I feel safe today. Mochi got my back. Katya's got my back. Mina's got my back. Roy's got my back. Randy's got my back. That list could go on and on - and I feel very blessed to be surrounded with the people I consider to have hearts of gold. Know who's truly on your team.
People with hearts of gold. Strength of character. Honorable. Respectable. Respectful. Tonight, you inspire me. Inspire me to shake it off and march on forward.
I'm sorry, so sorry, I was going to give you an update earlier. If you follow me on Twitter (@ArryinSeattle), you know already.
I made Yelp Elite! http://arry.yelp.com
Let me share with you the funny and quirky beginning to the Yelp Elite invitation:
"You clearly rock! Because those fingers of yours have been on a real roll with all of the super detailed, funny, tip givin' and informative reviews you've been writing lately! Seriously, your reviews have been some of the best we've read from the Seattle area and that's why we come to your inbox today, to make ya an offer ya can't refuse. Well we guess you can, but where's the fun in that!?! So here goes...
We'd officially like to invite you to join the Yelp Seattle Elite Squad!
*insert crowd roar here*
And then, the beginning to my Yelp Elite acceptance letter:
WELL LOOK AT YOU LUCKY LOO!
You are now part of the official Seattle Yelp Elite squad! You can go ahead and take a moment if you need to as we know this is probably one of THE best days of your life! ;)
Clearly an excited and quirky group I belong to now. I now have one of those little red boxes that say "Elite '10" in my yelp profile. Yippee. I'll report back to you when I learn more. Thanks again to my Yelp mentors Eugene and Henry for introducing me to this interesting world. Let's see if I stick with it