This is a short post with something light and fun to share with you. I've been obsessing over this song lately - and then I checked out her music video today and wow, crazy eye candy! Skin, colored liquid flowing from bodies, ... ravishingly raw. I particularly love this line, cheesy as it is: I'm gonna love you like I've never been hurt before | I'm gonna love you like I'm indestructible | Your love is ultra magnetic and | it's taking over....
Call it my theme-song of the month.
I'm going backwards through time at the speed of light | I'm yours, you're mine | Two satellites | Not alone |
No, we're not alone...
A freeze-frame of your eye in the strobe light | Sweat dripping down from your brow | Hold tight | Don't let go |
Don't you let me go...
And I never was smart with love | I let the bad ones in and the good ones go |
But I'm gonna love you like I've never been hurt before |
I'm gonna love you like I'm indestructible | Your love is ultra magnetic and | it's taking over | This is hardcore |
And I'm indestructible...
Hands up in the air like we don't care | We're shooting deep into space | And the lasers split the dark |
Cut right through the dark...
It's just us we ignore the crowd dancing | Fall to the floor | Beats in my heart | Put your hands on my heart.
In one of my very recent posts, i love her... because she's the nicest person i know, I promised a post on pickers and pickees, and... here it is!!! I'm not sure how to quite apply my learning on this for myself to the general public quite yet, but thought I'd at least share my point of view and experiences, in hopes that, ... it'll at the very least be a point of interesting conversation or thought for you.
For me, as I've told you before, I've always been obsessed in the world of relationships and women (e.g. the women in my family seem to have struggled with this, and I wanted to be different.) And in my short tenure as an adult so far (let's say, since the age of 18), I've learned a lot about the world of men and women, relationships, and most importantly, myself. To share some of my takeaways from the past decade or so: 1) age is only a number, 2) color/height/race/weight/religion/shoe size/hairlessness/college/... of a person doesn't make the person and shouldn't necessarily be dealbreakers on their own, and 3) guys like TLC and to feel like they've won a prize.
The other thing I've (and only recently) picked up on is that the guy that chases me the hardest, is not necessarily the best for me. Money is a nice-to-have: but it doesn't earn respect. I dated this one guy that tried to win my heart (and his friends) by pulling out the plastic all the time: any time we went out with friends for dinner and/or drinks he'd take care of everyone. Any time he got too busy at work, he'd have flowers or gifts sent to me. Quality time was taking me shopping at fancy stores... And yes, I know, to many women, that would have been a prize! But I was dating myself most of the time and all I had was stuff to keep me company. ... ... One guy showed up at my place in college and played the banjo outside the door for hours in hopes that I'd be his girlfriend. Poems... lots of poems and colorful fall leaves stuffed under my front door. Trips to exotic places, ... Crazy smart rocket scientist who sent me many endearing romantic love notes. ... and a tender hearted man who said all the right things at all the right times just to break my heart. I haven't called many "my boyfriend", ... but the few that I have called "my boyfriend", were the ones that stuck out from all the "noise" or chased the hardest.
While I still believe in a pretty non-politically-correct view of how a courtship should happen between a man and a woman, (I strongly believe it's the guy, aka the "picker", that should "chase" and put his bid on the table - and the woman aka the "pickee", who either accepts or declines that bid) -- I also believe that a smart woman will encourage a certain man to put that bid on the table, too. (***Ladies do ~not~ chase.) LADIES - this is a key point! I've only very recently figured this one out after looking back and carefully analyzing myself with my BFF, Mina... We decided: 1) yes, Arry, you are obviously playing the role of "pickee" when it comes to relationships and 2) there are lots of guys interested in placing their hats in the ring as "pickers", but the key thing that I was NOT doing is 3) playing the role of "picker" from the hats that have been placed before me. I was dating the ones that "stuck out from the noise" - the ones that chased the hardest and the loudest were the ones I dated as my boyfriend. But that kind of intense-heated chasing, as proven by the fact that I was no longer with them, always blew out very quickly for me.
I needed to PROACTIVELY PICK from the eligible interested guys. Further, if I saw potential in an eligible guy, a slight nudge to encourage him to pursue was definitely something I needed to do. This is what I had to do if I wanted to change my track in dating/relationships - do something different. There's some good learnings in that - as a woman, you get to play ULTIMATE "picker" at the end. Don't abdicate that opportunity to do right for yourself. That's what I've learned. Thoughts?
What's going on in Arry's life? It's quite interesting these days when I see someone I know or meet someone new and they are already up-to-speed in many ways about parts of me, some of my life experiences, my career... - and there are times I'm taken aback wondering what have I gotten myself into. What have I gotten myself into? Yes, it's most definitely scary. Yes, I do worry sometimes about the fact I do put some personal inner stuff "out there" on the world wide web. Yes, this does make me very vulnerable in a lot of ways. The benefit for me is bigger than the fear and scariness though - writing and sharing with you is therapeutic for me. I share with you my thoughts and let them go - knowing that I may learn something through open conversation with you.
Commitment. I committed myself to this blog - and I plan to follow it through (at least for now). Yes, I'm afraid of commitment when it comes to many things, but when it's something that comes from my innards --> I stick to my gut. :o)
Faith. That brings me to the topic of faith as it has been the topic on top of mind all day today. Today is Saturday, April 16, 2011. There's the religious term for faith. There's the general definition for faith. There's a spiritual meaning behind faith. No matter what the application of the word faith, whether it's in relation to G-d or to relationships, faith is extremely important to the world we live in because at the root of the word faith is the powerful word, Trust. Today, I want to write about how faith is the trust and belief in people holding true to their intentions, their feelings, their word. That's what we need a little more of with each other - faith. Faith that despite our mistakes, clumsiness with someone's feelings, awkward moments, really bad fuck-ups, irrational behavior sometimes... we are all doing our best. Trust and belief that people are doing their best with the energy, the emotional availability, the facts (or lack of), and past experiences (or lack of). It's difficult to sometimes remember that... I blew up at my brother yesterday, I was a little short with Mina last week, I couldn't muster the energy to go into the office the other day - I'm sure you/they can relate. And here's the best thing, my brother says to me, "Arry, I get that you are extremely busy and stressed. Please know that I'm having a really rough week, too." Mina says to me on the phone, "Arry, you must be having a tough day". My prickly needles go down and I reply to both with, "I'm sorry, my intention was not to upset you.. I am having a rough time... I love you." That's faith. That's love. I'm starting to feel like I "get it".
That brings me back to my ArryinSeattle blog - faith. I'm doing my best with what I've got and I'm openly sharing it with you. And you're doing your best, too - so sharing on the very public world wide web is a place of hope to me. Would love to hear your thoughts.
The world of relationships is somehow so confusing and frustrating and elusive for some people... including me. I am starting to think that we just are over-complicating it more than we need to - and for love and relationships to become clear,... you just have to grow up a little. I've been a lone soldier-ette for a couple years or so now - dabbling in and out of temporary infatuation, flings, potential romances... sometimes determined to find a certain persona to experiment with, or to maintain my free spirited life full of fun and surprises. Last summer was the summer of "CEO's" - I decided that the kind of guy that would be able to handle me, earn and keep my respect, not be in competition or be threatened by me, and be in a place in life to offer a sense of security was a CEO. *** WRONG *** Tended to be little boys with too much money to throw around and looking more for exotic and fun. Tried the really nice-nice blue-collar so sweet and kind like honey guy who just makes you want to melt into the floor (was not strong enough for me)... or the guy who just needed a little positive energy and to experience love (note: you can't "fix" or "help" people, they come as they are.)... In the past year, I had a guy say to me, "Arry, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me"... and I so wanted to be able to say the same thing back... but I couldn't. He wasn't the best thing that's ever happened to me - I was feeling tortured, in the dark, confused, ... lying to myself daily that all was fine. I really wanted to believe it all... so badly I almost did. Lies are lies.
I don't think it has to be this difficult and dramatic and torturous. It doesn't.
Case in point - my colleague from a couple years ago. Super sweet guy from the Midwest/South. Old-school values. We worked on this cool website for a large internet company together - he was the developer. Every day I'd hear him on the phone with his wife (beautiful, kind woman btw), and on each call I'd hear him say to her, "I love you", or "I miss you". Clear as day - we (all of us in the office) could hear it. He said it quietly, in the hallway outside the office - but no doubt about it, we heard him say those squishy words. Amazing. We'd make fun of him here and there for it. He'd blush, sometimes crack a joke back, ... chuckle. One day while walking to lunch, I asked, "Hey Mike, How did you know your wife was the one for you?" He smiles. He looks at me and says, "because from the moment I met her, I've always thought of her as the nicest person in the world. She's still the nicest person I know."
Wow. He values and treasures her. I think when we start to grow up a little, you look for a life partner who has values that are honorable, respectful, and respectable. Well, as a woman, you pick (not look for) dates and allow suitors that have those (worthy) values. I've been working on getting there - determined now to not give my heart to just any one. I'm going to take my time and intentionally and purposefully pick the right one to give my heart to. My next post will most definitely have to be about the "Pickers and Pickees". Mina and I had a long discussion about this recently that I have to share with you. In the meantime, wanted to remind myself/you about my post from awhile ago, 20 relationship rules.
We are so close, we are so close. I cannot tell you how crazy this journey has been - it's been about two years since Mina and I started our adventure as MAG, LLC (Mina, Arry, Gifts January, 2009). Mina had just gotten married to her amazing husband, Mark and they had a hell of a time finding a registry that made sense for them. They were two full households merging together, and didn't need to blenders and towels and dining sets. They wanted awesome wine fridges and big plasma tv's! Mina and all her friends looked up and down and everywhere for the perfect, flexible, convenient registry... and so a couple months after their wedding, Mina and I got together to build the ULTIMATE wedding registry (which we hoped would become the ULTIMATE baby registry, and charity fundraising tool, and so forth later).
CHEAPER IS NOT BETTER. Our first attempt for cheaper was find an affordable, LOCAL, freelance guy or guys that can whip up our dream site in a month or so. A front end guy, and a backend guy - Arry would whip up all of the wire-frames, Mina would strategize, it was going to be awesome. We interviewed and interviewed and interviewed to find two freelance guys that seems awesome - a seemly savvy UI guy and a Harvard grad CS coding wiz. The schmucks were over their head and barely made a dent three months later despite our efforts to motivate and energize and push for progress.
Alright, alright, ... we hold and console each other. We meet with our friend, Phil, successful entrepreneur who has successfully launched at least two companies which have been bought by Microsoft and Amazon. (He recently launched CupidsPlay - and by the way, our very-soon-to-be launched startup will be co-partying with them. Watch out for party invites!). Phil recommends we check out eLance.
GOING OVERSEAS IS NO CAKE. So after putting our the request for proposals via eLance - we received 50-60 bids from contractors and companies all over the world: Russia, India, Brazil. We choose India. Now, this was going to be seemly awesome - now for a quarter of the price, we were going to have not just one, but a TEAM of developers working to build us our website. A TEAM! Couple of challenges: time zone differences, and cultural differences. Starting late in the fall of 2009, I played Project Manager and worked with our India guys late at night, woke up before dawn, ... not easy, but to us, worth it. Cultural differences ... let's say when they said "yes, no problem, we got it"... we quickly learned to dig deeper. Indian developer's vision of design and classy... does not equal our vision of design and classy. Picture your homepage with a picture of a buxom blonde in a wedding dress as she crawls on all fours towards you... ... we decided, let's get them to code it up, and then we'll fix the design once the India team is done.
A TECHNOLOGY|WEBSITE COMPANY NEEDS A CTO. There began our search for the perfect CTO. He had to be website savvy, kind, trustworthy, understand developer/technology stuff, really care about the company, be invested in making it happen, be able to think out of the box and add input to the creative process, be able to code and overwrite any of the code, understand architecture and servers and hardware, ... he had to be a SUPERMAN CTO! We met AJ through biznik.com ---> a super savvy Flash developer. Unfortunately, the timing was off and last summer, he announced that he was planning on moving to California. We put out more notices and ... eventually by the end of the summer/early fall, we found our super dreamy SUPER AWESOME CTO, Michael!!!!!!! He all of the qualities mentioned above and so so so much more. We found this amazing web designer, Keith of KeithRussellDesign, LLC, too. Michael has pretty much single-handedly rebuilt the entire website, the CMS, the database, everything from the ground up since joining us - and we've recreated the site as the all-purpose fundraising platform. We then started All Things Wishful, Inc - which had a merger with MAG, LLC late last year in the winter of 2010.
That's kind of the longer version of the short story... I'm sitting here while my partners, Mina and Michael pick up food for our meeting tonight and I am feeling so thankful. We've had a long journey to get where we are today, have had so many emotional ups and downs, been physically, mentally, financially strained, ... and working double time with day jobs and such to pay bills... We are so lucky because we have an awesome team. You know what - that's definitely the best thing about this whole adventure, the people. DO OR DIE!!