transference and relationships

Exercise A

[Side note]: Yes - didn't post my patent pending table post - nor did I create the website last weekend.  I'm getting varied advice from people on it, and I'm a bit torn at what to do.  Share or not to share?  How much to share?  Where to share?  ... Is it safe to share on the web? ...  I need a little more time on what to do.

Anyways - I told you recently that my new employer of four months (FOUR months!!?!?), Logic20/20, invested in this leadership training for me called Pathwise.  Anyways - it's pretty powerful stuff.  Seriously powerful.  Our last class was on Transference was so amazing, I ran home, my brother came over and I regurgetated the things I had learned, and he did this interesting exercise, too.  The idea is that early in childhood, the brain naturally opens up and takes an impression of how life is at various points of development - and in doing so, creates neural pathways about situations, and automates reactions on perceptions, feelings, and how to react to them.  Now before it gets really interesting, I'd highly recommend drawing on a piece of paper, the diagram I drew up on the top left, "Exercise A". 

How the exercise works is that on the left hand column, you'll input 2-3 words to describe the first positive memories of the category, and on the right hand column, you'll input 2-3 words to describe the first negative impressions of that category.  Let's do the exercise first, write the first few things that come to mind.  No need for great detail - just enough to jog your memory - it goes like this:
--- Mom: On the left-hand column, input 2-3 words to describe the first positive memories with your mom as early as you can remember.  On the right-hand column, 2-3 words to describe the first negative memories.
--- Dad: Same as above.
--- Group: On the left-hand column, input 2-3 words to describe how you saw yourself in relation to your peer group between 3rd to 6th grade.  On the right-hand column, input 2-3 words to describe how you saw yourself in relation to your peer group between 6th and 8th grades.
--- Mate: On the left-hand column, input 2-3 words to describe your first real intimate relationship.  On the right-hand column, input 2-3 words to describe why that first real intimate relationship ended.
--- Project: On the left-hand column, describe the process of the first project you owned and completed.  What steps did you take to complete it?

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Translation of your answers from Exercise A

Now we get to the REALLY interesting stuff.

--- Mom: The first impressions become our hard-wired way of perceiving and reacting to the world.  [Positive] First impressions with your mother impacts how a person perceives the world and how to react to it.  Is the world a safe place?  [Negative] When things get tough, how do you react/perceive it?
-- Dad:  Second phase of impression is about a child's interaction with authority outside of the mother.  It is usually the father - How a child experiences authority and reacts to it forst how they will view and react to authority all of their lives: both when things are good.... and when things get tough with the boss, for example.
-- Group: This is how a person is imprinted in how one first in groups.  Are you the leader, the follower, the outsider, ...?
-- Mate: This is your spouse/or future spouse. 
-- Project: This is how a person engages in projects that the person has control over.

For me and to share with you one of my answers, I give a lot of credit to my mother (my first impression and imprint).  When I did the exercise, on the left-hand column, I wrote "cooking/nurturing" - and on the right-hand column, I wrote "hardball/piano".  My mother babied me, kissed and coddled me when I was young - made delicious food often - these were my first memories in the positive sense with my mother.  I learned that the world is a generally safe place.  My mother also expected a lot from me - my first negative memories with my mother were staying up to the late hours of the night practicing piano until I got it right.  There was no "I can't do this" or "it's too hard" - she imprinted that hard work ethic into me and that when life gets hard, take it by the reins and make "it" happen for myself.  ...  I learned that when things get tough - hard work is the only answer and only I can get what I wan t from the world as no one is going to give me any freebies.

The rest of the exercise, was most definitely eye-opening and quite "on-the-ball" for me.  How about you?

Hugs,
Arry

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