the five love languages

Photo Credit: K. Weathers

I've been meaning to post this up for quite some time - I have a queue of posts that need publishing, so I'll post them up more quickly now to clean out the queue.  Now, to the five love languages. 

The 5 Love Languages is a book by author Gary Chapman - and is one of those must-reads for both men and women about the world of love.  I'll give you a quick summary of the big five - however, take the time to read it as Gary has some great examples in his book.  Take the time to understand which of the five are important to you to receive from you partner and which of the five you give to your partner to show them love.  Are they the same five that are important for them to receive to feel loved?  Really interesting - both the book and website have a test (takes about 20 minutes), too.

1. Words of Affirmation: to this person, actions do not always speak louder than words.  A person who has this high on their list needs to hear the unsolicited, "I love you", and regularly.  "Thank you for taking out the trash, I appreciate you, you look beautiful, I love how kind you are, you can do it"...  when the actions and words line up, the world's a better place for this person.  On the opposite end, harsh/critical words can be devastating.

2. Quality Time: means your full undivided attention.  Hanging out and watching the television or at a networking event is not quality time.  Quality time does not include multiple interruptions or a cell phone in hand.  For this type of person, truly being engaged and present means the world to them.  Put the phone on silent, you can respond to those emails/texts a little bit later.  If there is an emergency and/or you have to respond, do ask permission/apologize. 

3. Receiving Gifts: is important to this person not for the material good, but the thought and care you put into this gesture of love.  Sadness and tears will come if you forget a birthday or anniversary, and/or if you do not make some sort of regular love offering to this person. 

4. Acts of Service: is about taking care of and taking away stress/work for the one you love.  This can be shown by having a clean home for your partner, taking out the garbage, offering to do the dishes, being the IT help-desk person, ...  To a person where this is important, if you break commitments, if you generally create more stress/work for them, if you are lazy --> generally, they are going to feel unloved by you.

5. Physical Touch: is not just about sex or intimate bedroom time.  This is about consistent touches of affection: hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, ... reaffirming and secure actions/touches.  This means you need to be accessible, be in close proximity, and be available more often than not.  If you are one of those emotional terrorists, breaking that trust with violence or neglect is unforgivable (go get help if this is an issue for you).