I love @LuggageDonkey | Mom of 3 | Operator | Writer | #Startups | Chair of the U.S. Blockchain Coalition | @Cornell | Speak Truth
I think I've misplaced my anti-reality superhero shades. Have you seen'em? I don't know what's hit me lately, but I've been feeling down with that "woe is me" feeling. Overwhelming. Very vulnerable. In order to be in and play in the world of start-ups, charging on, embracing change and risk takes a sort of mad man approach to the world - you have to put on a thick suit with a pair of reality blinders like you're wearing your favorite pair of shades that helps make the world a whole lot more palatable. It's like I've got a really good poker hand, and even if I don't, I'm confident that there's a chance I'm going to win anyways. It is a gutsy feeling of personal power that you need to have to win in this world, that it's completely possible to make a difference in the world. To leave a dent in it. Some days I imagine that the dent I'll make is a dent the size of the moon. Other days... the size of a pebble or nonexistent.
Today. Pebble. Yesterday. Pebble. I'm thinking, "Really, what the hell are you doing, Arry?...What the hell are you doing?" ... Think about all the money! ... Oh my gosh, all that money. What am I doing... Oh my. Really? Yikes. Really? What am I doing? This is not normal! Why can't I be happy with a nice stable job, a nice stable income, a normal career, ... meet a nice man, get married, have children, raise them, bake cakes and cookies, retire, vacation in Florida... Yea, what am I doing?
And then it switches to, "If I don't make it, if we don't make it, I'm going to die". Failure is not an option - one step at a time, one step at a time... inch by inch, we are going to make it happen. Make a difference. Make my life count. I can do more and I will do more. Make a dent in the universe that says I AM HERE! I WAS HERE!
And then... it's back to moping. It's an overwhelming brick of fear that hits you smack in the middle of your gut... my heart actually. Fear. Overwhelming. The realization that I'm possibly out of my mind... And me, how do I deal with these feelings? I allow myself to mope. Embrace the negative feelings and fear. Sometimes it's hours... sometimes it's days.... and sometimes even longer. Eventually, I shake it off and say those same words back to myself, "What the hell are you doing, Arry"? Do not waste your life. Make your life count. I am not going to take no for an answer - hell freaking no. This has to happen. Our team motto at AllThingsWishful.com is, "DO OR DIE!!!!"
And yes... I know... "this" is actually multiple balls in the air for me right now (my consulting day job, my AllThingsWishful, my table design patent, ... )... ... and that is not normal. I'm not normal. What is normal anyways?
8/1/2011 05:15:35 pm
Normal is boring and overrated. ;) You keep on doing yo thang and hang in there. Mope, if you must, be don't let it keep you down for too long. All the best to you. I'm here if u need anything. Xoxo
8/1/2011 05:28:58 pm
Linda. :) Eyes are tearing up from your note - a little emotional right now... really appreciate your support. xoxo
8/1/2011 05:32:45 pm
Ups and downs of startups = risk taking side affects. It is like working out. First your body spasms at the shock of some thing new. Then you get used to it. Afterwards it becomes natural. Finally it is internalized and you can not live without it.
8/1/2011 06:29:25 pm
Ah, yes ... the all-too-familiar "OMG WTF am I thinking?!" phases. :) Alas, recognize it ... Embrace it ... Relish in it, actually. Why? Because those who are "normal" rarely get to experience this type of intensity or such full-range of emotions as we entrepreneurs experience. Do you think those with "normal" jobs wake up one day and think "OMG what if I can't do this?!" No. Probably not. Mainly because they woke up yesterday and did their assigned job tasks yesterday ... And the same the day before. But you ... You are paving new ground ... Taking on risk that make "normal" people shudder at the mere thought of doing so. So go ahead and feel those full-range of emotions reserved especially for the risk-taking startup clan ... You've earned them ... Wear that "woe's me" pout proud. Just timebox the "feeling blues" experience. That usually helps me. I let myself freak out for a bit ... Let myself wallow in feeling blue for a bit ... Then I say "ok at 9am tomorrow I'm done. Starting then I'm picking myself up, dusting myself off, and getting back to kicking fanny." Works everytime. And one more thing ... We all go thru it. You just are the only one with the balls to openly admit it. So I think it is probably close to time for you to dust yourself off and get back to kicking fanny :) All the best to you ... Thank you for another inspirational post :)
8/1/2011 08:23:05 pm
It’s 5am and I haven’t slept much tonight…truth be told I haven’t really slept at all, so this may ramble a bit. I was sent this link by a very dear friend who’s starting her own business and has felt all the emotions you are now. Please keep in mind that despite the fear you profess, you possess the bravery to strike out on your own. I confess I’m not as brave as you, though one day my heart may pull me head long into politics - for now I toil away in a cubical. Your illustration of pebbles rolled around in my head until I thought about Aesop’s fable of the Crow and Pitcher. I’ve included a link to the Wiki in case you need the refresher but suffice to say one of the interpretations of the fable is to keep at something you know will eventually bring you what you seek. The Crow was thirsty and pebble by pebble it brought the water up to where it could drink, and then it drank. To be worthy of your endeavor, it should be difficult. It should test your resolve and temper you like steel. For the reward is not in the destination, but hidden in the journey!
8/2/2011 02:28:37 am
Sam - thank you for your note and support. "Risk taking side affects"... that's totally what it is... LOL. Thanks,
8/2/2011 02:35:08 am
Kristian - :) Thank you for your thoughtful note. Totally brought a smile to my face this morning - and good to know I'm not alone. xo, Arry
8/2/2011 02:40:03 am
Jeffrey - wow. Thank you so much for your note. And yes, wow - the Aesop fable with the Crow and the Pitcher is so the appropriate story to go along with my "woe is me" post. I might have to repost your commentary with the story - it is really spot on.
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