setting love up for success

Love is between two people - very often, two people with different minds, experiences, pasts, etc...  and being two different people, how you take in the world can be different.  On top of that, when the relationship is between a man and a woman, you have two different species coming into play (read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, if you haven't already).  And say you're in love with him, and he's in love with you - don't you both want it to work?  Don't you both want to be happy, challenged, stimulated, enriched, respected, trusted, ... all that good fuzzy warm make your toes tingle stuff?

Hell yea you do.  He does.  She does.  I do.  And if you put in the time and walk hand-in-hand to do the work that's involved in the journey, you will be able to enjoy the fruits of your work together.  It's true - you get what you put into it.  (Now, if he's not that into you - walk away.  I'm writing about the scenario where the feelings are mutual.  I've had dozens of crushes - but there's no sense in losing yourself and your self-worth over a guy who doesn't see you in that way.  Been there, done that = sucks.)

You see failure long before it happens.  The scenarios that I see left and right are the ones where one party sees a little black spot, but doesn't mention it until it's too late and the little black spot now is the size of the garage door.  I just don't get them - it's literally similar to watching a car drive off a cliff.  Suicide.  You are at a dinner party for hours with your friends, there's a wad of green spinach stuck in your front teeth - and NO ONE SAYS ANYTHING ALL NIGHT LONG!  For serious!?  It's just like that.  I had a guy friend who goes through women like changing a pair of jeans - out with the old, in with the latest.  We were out one night and his girlfriend of the season (and actually, they had lasted a LONG five months together), was in a flirtatious conversation with a guy friend (assumed it was one of his guy friends) - and you could see it on his face that he was bit bothered.  He felt disrespected.  She kept looking over "checking up" on him to see if he was bothered or not, but kept right on going.  She felt like he didn't care.  Stop.  Yea, childish is right.  Usually, not such a big deal with one is talking to another of the opposite sex in a friendly way that doesn't dishonor your boyfriend or girlfriend - but in this situation: he was bothered.  She could feel that he was bothered.  (...and let's assume none of these actors have jealousy rage issues).  Why didn't she just step away for a sec to see if he was okay (tho, I say most guys don't enjoy feeling like they're being pitied)?  Why couldn't he step into her conversation and reinforce her value to him?  Be her hero.  Why not?  ...  Yea, well, they're not together anymore.  They didn't want to be bothered with each other. 

Set [yourself, him/her, love, the relationship] up for success.  I say, if you sense a contentious scenario approaching, if you sense that yourself/your loved one may be affected negatively, if you sense the ship (aka the relationship) veering off in the wrong direction, steer it back onto the right course.  Men - don't be shy, steer away - it's in your genes to be driving.  If she respects you, she'll follow and hop on (sooner or later).  Note: Women have an uncanny ability to sense when the relationship is strained - call her the navigator, trust her instincts.  Respect each other.  And I guess, if you find yourself on the wrong ship ... well, you can always abandon ship.  That's the thing about life - you do it with all your heart, or you don't do it.  There's no wrong decision.  Every day is filled with choices - be yourself, be good to yourself, be good to your lover/boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife...  and set each other and your relationship up for success.  The choice is all yours.