[my miscarriage: post 5 of 5] farewell baby seedling

This post was written on November 11, 2013.  Read it again just now.  It's a somber feeling still...  like a dull pain.  Thanks for sharing this journey with us and for all of your support. 

Love,
Arry
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A whole long week of angst and worry went by after that experience on October 22, 2013.  It was a long week.  I ate extra.  I slept a lot.  I avoided all stress.  ...   Somehow I thought I could fix it.  If I worked hard enough, that everything would be ok.

Going through our version of our experience, for us, our seedling only lived for 7 weeks, and affected us in so many ways.

After that first shocking doctor visit (on October 22, 2013), my husband and I went to the ultrasound specialists on October 29, 2013.  They spent a good half hour doing a very thorough exam and despite all of our prayers and positive wishful thinking, we got the same news.  It was still hard hearing that second time.  They sort of walked us through the reasoning, ...  I'm not sure, it didn't really sink in.  On October 30th, 2013, we went and saw another very well recommended OB doctor.  They spent a good long time looking at the ultrasound and for the final third time, gave us the same dark news.  This time, the evidence made sense as they slowly walked us through what was going on: no heartbeat.  No chance of heartbeat.  Baby had not grown in size from last week.  No blood flow at all.  No movement.  ...  I couldn't help thinking, I should have tried harder...

On October 30th, 2013, we decided to move forward with the D&C procedure, without the general anesthesia.  I know... crazy.  In hindsight...  completely.  I do not recommend doing it that way...  My reasoning, was that 1) I hate hospitals, 2) I'm wary of general anesthesia, 3) I wanted to be conscious during the procedure, 4) because I thought it would help with the healing process (emotionally and mentally), and 5) I didn't want to wait "x?" weeks for it to happen unplanned the natural way.  We did the procedure the same day.  Took a pill to get the process going.  Took a couple pain killers an hour before.  Took some Advil right before the procedure.  She injected to large shots of the local anesthesia inside of me... and then the procedure began.  Let me stress - don't ever do or advise a friend to do this without the general anesthesia.  Never.  If you have a choice and you decide to do a D&C, always go to the hospital and always get the general anesthesia.  The most horrific pain I could have ever imagined.  My husband held my hand the whole way through.  I spent the evening of October 30 in pain and it was about a week later (November 6) where everything in my body seemed to mostly work again.

My husband and I are planning to have a mini service for the seedling that didn't make it soon.... 

That's it for today. 
xo,
Arry