[my miscarriage: post 2 of 5] baby citrus seed

This post was written on September 29, 2013.  Thank you to everyone that sent me notes after the first post last week - very encouraging to have your support.  In my head, I was imaging people reading the posts thinking to themselves "she is crazy for writing this".  ...  Encouraging to feel your support.

As I write this pre-commentary, it's sort of eerie to read the post below that I had written more than three months ago.  Since then, the indigestion and nausea is gone.  I don't listen to music these days - I prefer silence and/or nonfiction.  I'm still mostly vegan, and I no longer get sick when I do cheat with dairy or meat.  I'm a light sleeper now - everything seems to wake me up in the middle of the night.  I'm about ten pounds heavier than August 2013 and have not been able to shake off the acquired weight - I'm not that motivated to, either.  It doesn't seem like most people can tell anyways, thanks to the winter wardrobe.  I've been working on rebuilding and strengthening my body again (lots of fluids, nutrient rich food, more rest, less alcohol, ... just a whole lot more forgiving and kinder to myself with my body.)  I'm thankful for my husband, who is my place of gentle calm and comfort.

Love,
Arry
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Crazy... Crazy.... Crazy...  our baby Citrus Seed is now in its 5th week of life.  I look back on the past month and NOW EVERYTHING SEEMINGLY MAKES SENSE.

• Sudden dislike for my usual radio stations - and a strong preference for classical music specifically
• Constant nausea and indigestion.  I was downing Tums and eating baked potatoes to try and calm my stomach woes
• Exhaustion.  I've been going to bed sometimes at 8PM,  9PM, 10PM...  so tired lately
• Majorly (stress, majorly) tender boobs - it hurts to sleep, it hurts to move, it hurts to walk... 
• I've been buying animal prints lately (note, I don't wear animal prints) - snake skin, leopard print, zebra print
• I'm mostly vegan, and lately, I've been craving meat.  It's been driving me mad

Well, this is all in hindsight. 

I downloaded this clever app on my iPhone 5.  It's called "What to Expect when Pregnant" ---- very clever and helpful.  Week by week it walks you through the pregnancy process, what to expect, what to think about, what to prepare.  I've found it very helpful the past couple of weeks. 

I also find myself looking up everything on the web: what can I eat, what shouldn't I eat, how well should by meat be cooked, is sushi okay, what about raw oysters, is it safe to be scanned at the airport security, how often should I eat, how much weight gain is safe?....  the line of questions is just crazy.  I've gone from a person that is so carefree about life and food and safety to a person that auto-magically thinks about this stuff.  It's amazing what's going on in terms of the changes and the biggest change with the actual baby arriving hasn't even happened!

Next up... our first prenatal visit to the OBGYN. 

xo,
Arry