[my miscarriage: post 1 of 5] september 21, 2013

This post was written on September 22, 2013.  This is a post about our first pregnancy which became our first miscarriage.  We thought long and hard about whether or not to post these blog posts (there are five posts total about the entire experience), and decided to move forward to share them with you.  Originally I was wary about posting them because it is such a sensitive topic - quite a topic of such caution that no one wants to talk about (probably because it can be so painful).  Only when you actually put the first "hand" out with this experience do others come out and share their condolences and experiences.  We're finding that so many of our friends and family members have gone through miscarriages - but kept it a secret...   Perhaps because there's a sense of shame...  guilt.... and coupled with the sadness it kind of does make sense the mainstream human reaction to it...  The thing is, everyone including the doctors will say, it's not your fault (it just feels that way).

Since I blog in the spirit of sharing as one who is open - even though this experience was very sad for us, we've decided to go ahead and share it with the world.  We hope that if anyone else is out there that has gone through a similar experience, know that you aren't alone and that there are many others who are or have experienced similar situations.  Thank you for sharing our journey with us.

-- Arry (& Dae)
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Hello World.  After weeks of not feeling so well (nausea, tiredness)...  I was no longer absolutely certain that I was not pregnant.  I woke up yesterday on a Saturday morning and headed straight to the bathroom.  I rummaged around and pulled out the box of pregnancy tests I had tucked away in the bathroom drawer (for that just in case day...).  I read and re-read the instructions.  I decided to run three tests at the same time.  [5 long minutes pass]  All three tests turn up positive = I'm pregnant.  Gasp!  No way totally no way... it can't be true!  I read and re-read the instructions again.  I pull out another two test kits and the timer starts again.  [5 even longer minutes pass]   My husband who usually sleeps through anything shouts through the bathroom door, Are you okay in there?  I open the door with a look of shock on my face and he asks, What's going on?  I point to the timer and there is a minute left --- he nods and waits with me. 

Yep.  ALL FIVE pregnancy tests turn out positive.  We both sit there - stunned.  Hmm... so...  congratulations!  We had literally just started trying - so it's a shocker to find ourselves pregnant already.

Took us another 24 hours to process (well, sort of)...  and after talking it through a little, we decide we are going to move forward quickly to announce the news quickly to our parents, siblings and very close friends, versus keeping it secret until the first trimester has passed.  Here's the reasoning:

• Pros: support of family, get to share the experience with others, if anything does go wrong (i.e. miscarriage in the first trimester, we'll have that support network to help us cope.)
• Cons: Arry's coworkers/colleagues may find out (not sure that's a good thing).  We may end up with way too much unsolicited advice from family and friends.

Figured the Pros completely outweighed the Cons - so off we went and shared the good news today.  My mother (I'll be her first baby to give her a grandchild) was so excited and happy.  My mother in law and father in law were happy with tears.  My brother shyly said congratulations. 

We did some research and we found out that we are about three weeks pregnant.  The forming baby is now about the size of a poppyseed - so at least for now, we call it "Poppyseed".  My boobs hurt like hell.  Now the constant nausea makes some sense.  Wow... life can completely surprise you, even when you think  you have everything under control and planned (in a good way).

xo,
Arry