motherhood is hard

Motherhood is hard.  There's so many changes that I've gone through to list, and while not everyone has the same experiences, here are mine (not in any particular order of importance).  

Motherhood is hard:

1. The obvious physical changes like your whole body expanding, and then shrinking (hopefully back to pre-pregnancy weight).  
2. Your feet change size - and sometimes, never shrink back.  Mine grew a whole size and I cry (just a little) inside every time I see the shoes I can no longer wear. ... oh well.
3. Hair loss after the birth of your baby and also the crazy baby hairs that grow afterwards.  To know and learn how to manage your hair is a new process again.
4. Emotional and hormonal - the lack of sleep, the lack of being able to eat/drink as you want, and the powerful hormones that are or aren't in your body make living complete chaos.  
5. There are significant changes to your family dynamics.  It's everything including how "moms" (your own mother, your mother-in-law, any relative that's also a mom) relate to you and/or express their opinions of motherhood.  
6. Marriage dynamics are a big one.  It's complete survival mode and you have this completely new fascinating baby in front of you.  It's hard to feel sexy or in the mood.  It's a mystery about how to even coordinate a date night.  I love this man I've co-created life with.  I love seeing him as a father.  He's even more attractive to me now.  And I miss the life we had when it was just the two of us.  I do like our life as mom and dad.  
7. Priorities completely change.  That career you were completely leaning into and driving before takes a major hit.  I can't show up to the events and meetings on a whim I used to.  My life's interests have changed.  How I see the world has changed.  If I have spare time, which I force myself to take (not that I really technically have it), I'd rather sip wine or Lillet with my husband, cuddle longer with my baby, or be completely alone.
8. My relationship with myself has gone through a rollercoaster.  A lot of it was the lack of sleep and the hormonal changes.  I definitely had postpartum depression, with thoughts of ending my life.  I used to see myself only as unstoppable and strong.   I now see myself as many other adjectives: kind, depressed, empathetic, apathetic, beaten, aloof, charismatic, tired, and introspective.  
9. My relationship with money/resources is different, too.  I think I'm much more practical today, than before having a baby.  I think about how it relates to and will impact the system.  I'm applying this frugal practicality to everything, from how I spend money daily to how I plan for it.
10. And finally, the societal judgement that comes with motherhood.  I've had investors tell me to my face that I'm probably a horrible mother.  I've been lectured that I am wrong to still want to go out to make an impact outside the home right now.  People ask me daily, "how do you do it?"  I sometimes wonder if that question is really, "why do you do it?"

Often, I'll share and say something like, "wow, motherhood is hard".  You learn a lot about who people are with the responses.  Now having been in this for over a year, I've noticed a most definite pattern.  I will always get one of two responses to that question.  They go something like this:

Supportive fellow human being:
A) Yes.  My gosh I can (or cannot) imagine.  With the follow up of, let's go grab some coffee or I'd love to share more with you on this journey.  I want to show you that you are not alone and I am here to feel shoulder-to-shoulder in life with you.  I want you to know that it'll be okay.   

Judging oppressive human being:
B) Of course it is.  And, isn't motherhood the most rewarding thing you've ever done?  Isn't it completely and totally worth it?  There's only one right answer here and you better say it.  Motherhood is amazing and that's the only thing any mother should ever say.  Ever.  Because it is completely worth it.  

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We get to be the guardian of a brand new fresh pure amazing human life, to guide him (or her) to grow up to be a kind, generous, strong, empathetic, respectful and respected adult.   It is hard work.  Both ideas can exist. 

--Arry