I love @LuggageDonkey | Mom of 3 | Operator | Writer | #Startups | Chair of the U.S. Blockchain Coalition | @Cornell | Speak Truth
friendships and women
Here's an interesting quote (you know I love quotes):
There are three types of friends: those like food, without which you can't live; those like medicine, which you need occasionally; and those like an illness, which you never want.
Wow. Huh? Here are a couple examples/stories:
Friends through thick and thin: The world knows that I am working on a startup project with a couple of awesome people, and that going into business with someone is like marriage. People say that one should not go into business with friends, but my business partners and I were talking this morning, if you are not friends with your business partner, that's a dead relationship/project too. The world also knows that I love my business partner, Mina, with all of my heart and she means the world to me. I respect her - her intelligence, her integrity, her beauty, her wisdom, her passion, her wittiness, her drive, her compassion, ... this list can go on and on forever. We've had some really difficult discussions along our journey together from friendship to business partners to friends who are business partners... that's for sure. I've hurt her feelings, she's hurt mine, and we definitely don't always agree. I value her as a friend through thick and thin. Loyalty.
Friends you had hopes for, but have let go of: I tend to adopt new girl friends here and there - this happened more especially when I was younger. Not as easily as I've gotten older... But in my younger days, I'd find a girl who was cute, spunky, ... just really awesome to hang out with. I'd take them in, love them and pretend they were like a sister I never had. There was this really really cute half Japanese girl I hung out with 5-8 years ago - she had similar tastes as me, or well, so I thought. And while imitation is said to be a form of flattery, after awhile, it gets just so confusing and frustrating. I think, who are you?, do you not have an opinion?, you don't have to always agree with me?, ... who are you? Then you find her comparing herself to you all the time... then you find her immitating you left and right... kind of like an impersonator... then you find she's hooking up with your coworkers and colleagues and flirting with your boyfriend. Yea. That's enough chickadee - move along. Move along.
Friends you divorce: The above was probably a "divorcing" situation - but I look at it as letting go. A few years ago I started hanging out with a fellow Korean chick with a funny spelled name. I met some interesting other women through her. She told some serious hilarious stories!!! She was up for anything always - going out, bars, hanging out, movies, dinners... we traveled pretty well together too. I'm not sure what happened, but after hanging out with her a bit, ... I found that she was one of those types that just GOSSIPPED alllllll the time, backstabbing - talking crap about all of our mutual friends - it was appalling. I made the mistake of taking her chit chat as truth at first and took it to heart when she said some really awful stuff about some of our mutual friends, it really bothered me. I didn't like that these girls were mistreating her or she felt mistreated by them. I took sides (without knowing the whole story...) AND... After awhile, I wondered, what was she saying about me behind my back? (cuz those other girls started being weird towards me). I introduced her to some of my close friends, and she even said things to them like, "if I told you to, would you stop hanging out with Arry?" ---> You've got to be kidding me, right? Yea, quite mature, huh? She got kicked to the curb in my head after that - I pretty much distanced myself from that whole crew because my image of everything had been so badly tainted. She was like an awful tumor that just grew and grew. I still have to deal with the fact she's alive, hangs out with my friends I introduced her to, ... what a sad petty little woman. No... a woman has class - this one didn't.
But the saying goes, you can really learn a lot about a person by seeing who they are friends with - who they hold close to their heart. A good stable person has at least one very close friend they talk and share with - a person who you can expose all of your innards and scabs and birthmarks, too - a friend who will stand by you no matter what. If you don't have that, ... I'd implore you to invest the time to build these kinds of relationships (they take time and TLC). Women especially, as we grow older, having strong women friends to turn to when life throws its challenges and rocks at you, we need this. I have my go-to list of women I call on, one-by-one down the list when in need. They all know they can call on me any time no matter what. When crisis hits, as a woman, if you cannot turn to your man right away (you should eventually), turn to another woman for support.
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