When you sit down and ask most men what they find most attractive about a woman? It's her confidence - her acceptance of herself with the way she looks, her place in the world, the gifts she has to offer, herself. Now, I think most people would agree, that most women do not find themselves and are not able to become comfortable with themselves until later in their 20s, many in their 30s, and for some, later.
What is confidence in a woman? A woman with confidence faces new challenges head on with optimism. A woman with confidence will walk into a room full of people with wet hair and less than perfect makeup - and own it. A woman with confidence will trust that her smile and friendly manner will be what interests and engages others.
Anyways, a short personal story about me as this is something I've been thinking about. The year's coming to a close. 2009... has been a year of challenges, growth, humility, and honest conversations... and a year where I had to question who I was and who I am today over and over. I've come out of a challenging past relationship this past year that was extremely emotionally challenging. I learned to say, "no" and walked away a bit shaken that I had stayed in the rollercoaster of a relationship so long and that I still had it in me to have compassion for this ex. I've recently come out of a crazy experience with a difficult client recently, which also was extremely emotionally challenging. I worried. I pondered. I procrastinated. My ex-client saw my confidence lacking and seized every opportunity take emotional-swings at me. I crumbled. Here I am... wondering, where did I go?
This is me - a person whose clients in the past 8 years have repeatedly cried out, "oh my gosh, the chutzpah in you is so refreshing". Me, who always stands up for the underdog, principles, me/my team. Me, who last year walked up to the CEO of a major corporation and befriended him (after being so impressed with his talk at a United Nations Summit). Me, who usually spends 10 minutes getting ready to go anywhere (be it a fancy gala, meeting up with friends, or even a date).
Confidence is a woman's inner goddess. Me, I have to spend some time un-doing all the negative energy I've picked up from these two past emotional terrorists. I have to be me, for me, because that's the only way to be. If you're with a woman who's had similar situations, if you know a woman who could use some confidence-rejuvenation, take the time to let her know that you support and understand her - that you are on her team.
4 ways to build confidence (in women):
This was inspired from an article I read up awhile back with some major modifications and "arry-ifications".
1) Relaxation - be optimistic and relax the mind (avoid over-analyzing). If you're her man, assure her that she's your one and only love.
2) Be engaged. One thing I've noticed about confident women (or people for that matter) is that even if they are not feeling 100%, they'll throw that energy outwards to the world around them instead of fretting internally about what's not going right or the bad hair day. If you're her man, be engaged with her as you assure her that she's your one and only love.
3) When it rains - let it be rain only. Smile, shake it off, it'll get better. The saying, "when it rains, it pours" does not have to be true. If you're her man, hold her and assure her that she's your one and only love.
4) Be optimistic. Practice being optimistic if you aren't right now. Women have the tendency to read into "tone", facial expressions, etc... again. Smile, shake it off, it'll get better. If you're her man, give her kisses and assure her that she's your one and only love.
Yes, there's some repetition involved above. Yes - if you're her man, ... assure her that she's your one and only love. Serious. Men and women find fulfillment through different means. Men search for direction and freedom. Women search for ways to be filled with love, to be desired, to be wanted. Ultimate fulfillment for both a man and woman happens when the search stops - and they can both relax and just "be". Confidence is a woman's inner goddess.