A headline caught my eye today and reminded me of my own 2013 mantra I've been trying to spread to my colleagues, family, and friends: "NO MORE CODDLING!" (reminds me of our All Things Wishful mantra). The article had the tagline, "Stop Reacting and Start Leading" and underneath, the words, "To start off 2013 on a new note, consider this as an idea: people should be held responsible for solving their own problems."
DING DING DING - YES YES YES.
Hey. This isn't being mean or vindictive or unkind. Seriously. To constantly be saving someone's butt, to constantly be covering for someone's inefficiencies, to be constantly have your feet held to the fire week after week = THAT'S MEAN and I'd contend, SERIOUSLY CRUEL. I'm not here (on this earth) to coddle. I'm not here to get worked to the bone. I'm here to live, to grow, and to work - make a positive impact or dent in this universe. I'm assuming those around me are here to do the same. (And to add to that, if you treat someone like a functioning adult, and if with coaching the person grows and rises - how much BETTER is that than doing via coddling?)
It's a struggle many face, in our day-to-day jobs - and for those of us that want to rise and build platforms as leaders in our companies, communities, industries, .... to rise, we need EVERYONE on the team to rise up. I see this left and right, the over-functioning, over-performing soul that is doing the work of many. Yes, it's great that they are so awesome at doing so much - BUT it's not scalable. It's not healthy. It doesn't work. I HATE working like that. If someone is not holding their own - let them know/coach them, give them an opportunity to stand up, and if they cannot - let them go. Hold people accountable - don't be afraid of letting failures happen (as they are learning moments & teaching opportunities).
In the article, there were a lot of similarities to the Sales Leader versus the Consulting Leader (the world I work in). The funny thing is, very often the "firefighter" will get promoted over and over again because they are "saving" the company from their self-created "destructive" non-decisions of ineffectiveness. Seems backwards to me.
We are ALL teachers. We are ALL coaches. We are ALL mentors. Yes, it takes a little more time - think of it this way, which game are you playing? The long game or the short game?
The long game. Invest wisely.
2012 - yes, 2012 was the year it came together. 2011 is the year I started cleaning up my act after seeing this wonderful helpful wellness doctor (Mimi, SheIsWell.com) for several months - I learned a bunch of things (she changed my life in so many ways) about me:
So where does that leave me? It leaves me mostly vegan (because I'm human). I've been mostly vegan for about a year now and have been becoming more and more so to this day. I feel healthier. Cleaner. ... and then learning, reading, watching more about the way food is produced today... well, as you know, they say ignorance is bliss... So what do I do as I get to know more and more...
I have a choice: 1) make a change or 2) pretend to be ignorant and continue on. Decided to make the change - and thankfully, my husband is in full support. I'm healthier, happier, less sick, supporting the other mammals who have feelings (like my sweet Mochi puppy), and... lessening our carbon footprint. :)
Photo with my husband on New Year's Eve
Caveat = these themes are "works in progress":
At home, in the entry way, we have a very large whiteboard that greets you. On it, we have three bullets, with three themes written next to them. We read the three themes everyday - sometimes the themes get edited, a word added, changed, removed... or sub-bullets added...
1. Be: slow, thoughtful, planned, committed, aware
- Community, friendships
- Our war chest and savings
- Our family strength (home, quality time) <3
3. Explore and travel together
Think we need to add a couple more - make it five themes. Still working on it - probably be something about developing platforms and knowledge in the world of design and technology. Maybe one on working towards and accomplishing one big personal goal (Dae is working on his 2013 Iron Man) - I have to commit to that one big personal goal still.
I started playing the piano from a very young age...
My husband and I are about to head off to our weekend getaway to celebrate our one year wedding anniversary - can you believe it? It's been ONE YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (An amazing wonderful first year at that!)... as we were preparing for our little getaway, we got side-tracked (as we tend to do) in a conversation that was interesting, I thought I'd recap and share it with you.
Arry: Honey, it's so weird... (looking through some old photos)... I'm in my thirties and just starting my "adult" life. There are so many of my peers from high school that already have been married for 10 years, have multiple children, ... I feel like such a late bloomer.
Dae: I'm a late bloomer too, sweetie. Hey, I'm in my forties and I'm just getting started, too (walks over and gives me a kiss.) I got a good theory on this one.
Arry: Oh? Oh please, do tell. I'm ready!
Dae: Well, it's my "delayed maturation theory". Some people, just peak earlier - they're the jocks, the cheerleaders, the cool popular kids in high school that were out dating, partying and drinking when you were probably at home studying, reading books, and practicing the piano for tens of hours. They just mature earlier.
Arry: Yes, I was. All I did was work, study, practice instruments, read.... I never went to a single dance in high school. I didn't have any boyfriends (never got asked out). I was pretty socially awkward when it came to being "cool". I didn't even realize I had sexy parts until I was in my twenties. (hehe) What about you? Did you party in high school?
Dae: Well, yea. I got to do both - party early in life and til later in life (he winks).
Dae: Back to my "delayed maturation theory"... those nerds, the band camp kids, the computer lab nerds, the studious ones like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, .... they grew up later. They are the late bloomers peaking later in life because they are busy studying, going to med school, putting in their 10,000 hours of expertise-building in the early life. The kids that went to undergraduate college, med school, law school "bought" extra time by going to school longer than the early peakers. They have delayed maturation - AND they are the ones poised to change and take over the world.
Arry: Hmmm.... this is good thinking and thanks for the flattery. I suppose that's why our parents may have told us to take our time with dating and getting married. Maybe? Though, I bet my mother didn't intend for me to wait this long (lol). I've actually never thought about this in this way before... I've got to write this up, permission?
Dae: Yea, knock yourself out. You're going to do that right~ now?
Arry: Yup, going into my head-space now.
So there you have it, for now... according to Dae's Delayed Maturation Theory, it seems to be that there are the early peakers, and the delayed peakers. I'm one of those delayed peakers and feeling on track, sorta. Lots of new stuff to come... I'm kind of excited, but mostly scared about it all right now.
Happy new year, friends! May 2013 bring you tons of hugs, laughter, smiles and successes. I'm running a little behind this year - I started thinking about my dreams for 2013 a little over 2 weeks ago, and I'm still working on what my 2013 year will feel and look like. I focus on putting words around what my dreams will "feel and look like" instead of setting goals or "new year's resolutions" - because opportunities and successes come in many different forms, people, and times (timing is key, isn't it?). What you really want is to accomplish the feeling you are going for or the vision of what a goal might be like - and you want to make sure your expectations are flexible and open enough to recognize (and receive) those opportunities and successes. :) Paint the picture of what that future dream state feels like, looks like to make it achievable. Tie your conscious goals with your subconscious dreams.
Break it into 3-5 pillars that are integral to your happy well-rounded well-balanced life. For example, mine looks sort of like:
Still working on the details, but that's what the main "Pillars" of my 2013 are looking like for now.
Happy new year!