8 A's of marriage

Photo by Jonathan and Lindsey Photography

For several months before we got married, Dae and I were in an intensive premarital program with our church.  Intense.  This meant a couple hours of class, followed by an hour of small group sessions, and 1:1 sessions with the minister.  We also had weekly homework to do each individually, in which we also had to get together weekly to go over our homework together.  Some of those questions were very thought provoking, and some of those questions got in deep ruffling up old forgotten wounds that may have gotten shoved under the rug for a few years.  One of the questions that comes to mind that really raised an eyebrow was, "if you take away all of the romantic feelings, the emotions, the physical attraction, the love, all of that -- would you still like the person you want to marry?"  Wow - interesting huh? 

One of the classes we attended during our premarital program was a break out of the men from the women - and in my women-only class, the class leader, Jen, talked about the 8 A's of marriage, taken from her reading of Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahane plus the addition of her own 4 A's of marriage.  So I'm going to basically regurgitate what I learned from her (with my two cents put in):

The 8 A's of Marriage for Women:

1. Accepting - Embrace and find joy in each other, in both your day-to-day activities and your bigger projects. 
   
2. Admiration - Admire your husband.  Give him regular positive feedback that build: his looks, virility, leadership, visual and auditory compliments, manliness...  As wife, one has the power to build or break your husband.
   
3. Aggressive - Don't be complacent.  Don't take the easy way out.  Push and make time, energy, room, whatever it is...
   
4. Available - Be available to your husband both emotionally and physically.  Take care of each other.
   
5. Attentive - Be a student of who your husband is.  Take notes or build a journal, know when he needs words of encouragement, know when he needs a little push, pay attention to him.
   
6. Attractive - Keep working on it.  As wife, you are his standard of beauty always.
7. Adventurous - Keep it interesting and enjoy each other.  Enjoy life and the gift it is.
   
8. counter-Attack - Attack anything that interferes with oneness between yourself (Wife) and your husband.  Put in the extra energy to make time for each other no matter how busy you are, watch out for too many distractions, be one in mind, body and spirit with each other.  Keep your heart soft and tender towards your husband.
   

I found Jen's 8 A's of marriage very helpful before we got married - and I still find them helpful.  3.5 months into our marriage and I see it - left and right all around us, it is so easy to lose sight of what's important and allow our marriage to fall aside.  I thought it'd be easier to spend time together once we lived together - and it isn't.  I work late, he works late, friends come by, dog needs extra attention, dinner needs to be made...  it's too easy to become roommates after getting married.  And so, we've been putting in rules to help us stay focused on growing our marriage for many years to come: big hugs/kisses when we see each other after work, words of appreciation, dancing together, walks after dinner, date nights once a week, church on Sundays, ...   I'm starting to "get" it.

xo,
Arry