A post on relationships, by request. I consider myself an expert in the realm of love and relationships - being obsessed and passionate about this topic. I interview people all the time, talk about it, read about it, write about it, ... think about it - a lot. I know a lot of what I say is not necessarily "p.c." - and it is what it is. It always comes down to this: the man must treasure the woman; the woman must respect the man. This is not to say the man doesn't have to respect the woman - he does. I'm talking about the critical points that are an absolute must for the right about of polarity to exist between a man and a woman in a relationship. Without this, what you've got is a friend with benefits, a really awesome roommate, ... a brother/sister.
So here's my original curated list of signs that the guy you are with or desperately pining after is not worth your time. I believe women need to be secure with themselves, expect better, and behave respectfully as respectable women. I'm appalled when I hear about women these days shamelessly throwing themselves at men, chasing after a boy even when he says he's not interested, and making excuses for it. Quit it. ***A woman needs to hold herself to higher standards than that.***
1. You're not a top priority to him: it takes him forever to get back to you, if at all. You deserve better. (same goes to you)
2. He doesn't spend quality time with you: quality time meaning TLC time, long walks, long talks, he asks you about you - and regularly, not once a month. A good man will always find a way to spend good quality time with you, regularly.
3. He doesn't walk side-by-side with you: pet peeve of mine - he walks 5 paces ahead or behind you...
4. He calls you "the girlfriend", "the wife", "the ball-n-chain", "DW": yuck, don't you have a name? Why not, "my ____"?
5. He doesn't care for your friends: a good man will always want to get to know your friends, be a part of your social life. A bad man will want to take you away from your social circles and keep you isolated (aka emotional abuse). It sucks - walk away.
6. He doesn't aim to please you (in bed): a good man will never feel good about the "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" - a good man will want to make you happy, please you, romance you. Yes, this goes both ways. Show some enthusiasm.
7. He talks about how "hot" other women are: I think it's healthy to be open and comfortable with your boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife/partner... to talk about your interests/and harmless crushes with each other. Open and comfortable conversation and fun is good. There's a limit to this; overdo it and it's disrespectful.
8. He doesn't treat you like a lady: when a man opens doors for you, greets you with a hug/kiss, this is good. He should acknowledge you when you walk in to a room/place - good manners is a must (both ways)
9. He won't introduce you to his friends: he's hiding something. You're not his girlfriend. Not good.
10. He introduces you to his friends - and you get the feeling they know too much about your intimate details: when his friends look at you like the guy friend's whore - yea, he's probably talking about you like you are a whore to them.
11. His family has no idea you exist: If he's that excited about you - usually his mom/sister will be the first to know.
12. He tells you he doesn't want to be with you: this can be said in a variety of ways: "I don't know what I want...", "It's not you, it's me...", "You don't make me happy...", "I need more time..."
13. He drives recklessly when you're in the car: He certainly doesn't treasure you or your well being
14. He doesn't tell you you're beautiful: he should naturally compliment you and want to show you his adoration verbally and via his actions: hugs, words of affection, he'll look at you - face you, turn his body and head towards you, ...
15. He doesn't support your hobbies: he may say he does, but he rarely makes it to your events, acts as if it is a huge annoyance/ favor when he does, he couldn't really care any less whether you do it or not... Maybe he feels threatened. Maybe he finds you and your hobbies annoying. Whatever - this relationship is a no go, at least not for long.
16. He keeps making up requirements that you have to meet: for him to commit to you - you get a better job, you have a more stable job, you keep the home more clean, you do this or that. He's trying to change you and doesn't treasure you. Yuck. Move on.
17. Name calling: character is shown most clearly when a man is angry, upset, or unhappy. Name calling? Disgusting excuse of an existence of what is a little man. (Readers: stick out your pinky fingers now and say, "he's a little man".)
18. Physically threatening you: he's a little, little, tiny boy who needs to get his face ~shoved~ into monkey feces. Yuck.
19. He takes little or no action when you tell him when you're upset: A man that cares will do whatever it takes to make you happy - and he'll do it asap. Don't abuse this with a good man, either. A good man's upset when you're upset - he'll want to fix things for you and make it better asap.
20. He doesn't contact you: Like I said before,if a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Don't force it - a good man who wants you will always find a way to contact you and be with you. He'll make it happen. Don't be one of those pathetic sad women that chase men down and manipulate to be with you. Yuck.
21. He doesn't respect you: you get the feeling he thinks you're dumb, you're materialistic, you're a gold-digger, you're lazy, you're a nag, you're unoriginal, ... (maybe you are) - but if he's genuinely into you, it doesn't matter. The right guy will adore you for you.
22. You're bacterial-ly incompatible with him: my girlfriends and I came up with this years ago - and it's true. Some people just do not literally smell right to you. There are some guys that you are not bacterial-ly compatible with - this means any time you and he are intimate, you end up with some sort of yeast infection or UTI or some annoyance you have to deal with. Not compatible. Gross.
23. He says something lame when you ask him what about you is most attractive to him: The lame man who is not right for you will say your boobs, your legs, your body, your hair... the right man for you will say your face, your eyes, your head, all of it, your heart, your voice, ... . :)
24. He cares more for your dog than he does you: Yea, that one should speak for itself. Again, you need to be his #1, and definitely above the dog, no matter how cute the critter is.
Have any others you want to share? Send them my way - I'd love to hear your thoughts/stories. Net - a man's actions will always tell you how you stack up in his life. A man that's worth it and deserves your loyalty will treasure you as his woman - not be so half-assed and absent.
I recommend the amazing work of John Gottman: