1 Year and 10 Empathy Lessons

This past one (1) year, I've learned a lot. October 2018 to October 2019, I've learned an incredible amount about me, my relationships, recovering from significant challenges, the meaning of life, and much more:

1. No matter what happens, I feel comfortable with my choices to date. Not everyone agrees with me all the time - and that is okay with me. I need to live life and be true to the foundational values that are core to who I am, and to do it with integrity. They say, "listen to your gut" - I know that I need to be attuned to my gut. I've been practicing it, a lot.
2. I know that in the hardest of times, I will fight as hard as I can for what I believe to be the right thing to do. I'm a warrior. To steal the words from a mentor of mine, Empathy Warrior. I will go to the ends of the earth for my love, our children, our family, our tribes, and our mission in life. I'm a fighter that has now learned how to be a peace maker with myself, others, and more.
3. Life is an absolute gift. Spend as much of every moment with the people that matter most in life - and work to amplify only what should be amplified. 
4. Creating life is an absolute gift. I've written about the wretched heartache and loss of miscarriage. Being blessed with two of the most amazing young boys has made me feel so much gratitude and fullness that nothing else the world could give me. I would love to have the opportunity to have more children, if it is possible.
5. Marriage to Dae has been my life's greatest commitment. It's very hard at (a few) times, and it's amazing at (many) other times. Marrying the right person is critical - and it's not based on height, income, pedigree, or anything like that at all. It takes a lot of self awareness, flexibility, empathy and listening, and true partnership of mind, body, emotion, mission, and vision. How lucky am I that he persisted, week after week, month after month despite my ignorant declarations that I would never ever marry him. :)
6. Stories matter, a lot. The internal stories we tell ourselves to tie the missing context as very young children become the living stories of our adult selves. Word choices matter. Where we use these words, whether in public forums or behind closed doors in secret matters. How we use these words, whether to slash at someone's soul or to bridge ideas together, matters. Why we use words at all, whether to add value to the community or to get something off the chest, also matters. Not everything has to be said - and yet, sometimes over communicating means everything. 
7. Pacing makes a huge difference. Pacing means having the control and skill to be able to throttle velocity. Pacing means even in the midst of chaos, being able to find time for slow thinking, meditation, and breathing. Space. (S)Pace. Take an hour off, a day off, a week off, a year off - whatever you can afford and make happen. I've been lucky to have been able to take a year off, and it's literally been one of the best gifts I never knew I needed. 
8. In chaos, stand still. In chaos, the human inclination is the run fast(er), scream, yell, and fight. I've learned, do the opposite. Stand still. Walk slower. Take a break. Hug your loved ones. The truth, what matters most will become crystal clear, and chaos will become tranquility. Every time I've started using my sledge hammer in times of chaos, it's been destructive in a bad way. Every time I've held my tongue/slowed down/been intentionally quiet in times of chaos, it's been constructive in a very good way. "Go wide before you decide." 
9. Incentives drive everything. When alliances appear to be "random", when people go out of their way to show (or not show) their support, when "catch-22" conflicting situations arise, start by asking about each party's incentives. WIIFM. What's in it for them. Most people are just hungry - hungry for love, for attention, for recognition, for a paycheck, for a chance at opportunity. A few are plain greedy. 
10. Having a gratitude state of mind is like wearing rose-colored glasses. I am so thankful these days, and as a result, I am at peace with who I am and the state of life. No, that does not mean everything is going great. It means I am happy with the present. The colorful fall leaves are beautiful. Seeing how hard my husband works for our family's happiness makes me so grateful for his giving heart. Our sons are gifts - pure, loving, and curious. Our community has some very big hearted really good people in it. It really is a great time to be alive.

Want the abbreviated version of what I've learned this past year? The summary is that the magic key ingredient to everything is empathy. Most of us are trying to make a mark, to do something with life, and to be a good valuable member of the community. Sometimes, a person may get wrapped up in the chaos they are in and respond too quickly. Another time, a person may poke a bear a little too hard with a stick that is too sharp and prickly. Emotions are real - and it's very important to not let the emotions get the best of us. Don't forget to breathe and find empathy.

​--Arry