Prior to 2011, I remember thinking I knew what a good relationship was. I remember thinking I knew what I wanted in a marriage... and I know that I was mostly wrong. What I've learned so far is that marriage is way more than height, looks, his salary, his fashion sense, his education level, ... all of that is not what makes or breaks the marriage. What I've learned is that it really is about the core values of the other person. How did I know that this was THE guy to marry for me?
- My husband is so consistent and dependable. He's a creature of habit. Before we were officially dating/in a relationship, we were "just friends". No, not even in air quotes. Really. Plain friends. No matter the circumstances, the crazy things I did and told him about (because we were friends), the time of day, how inconvenient it was - he was always there. Consistently. With the same message. Nothing could deter him.
- My husband did everything I always complained about past boyfriends not doing, without me ever having to ask for it. He opened doors and car doors (still does to this day). He called me, regularly - and each time, I was not expecting it at all. He didn't text until later in the relationship, it was either a phone call or talking to me in person. Gives me small delightful surprises and treats. He loves the little things in life and takes the time to enjoy them.
- He remembered all kinds of details. He has a way of writing down EVERYthing, which is probably how he does it. The most amazing memory of people's faces and events. He would show up randomly on days with a piano book for me because he knew I liked that particular song. He made mixes of music. He remembered I love eating a big chocolate easter bunny on Easter - and has every year gotten me a delicious chocolate bunny.
- He tried new things that he had never done before with me. And not just once, but he would try again at least a couple of times to try and like something I liked. We went to this fancy sushi restaurant once and got the omekase. It wasn't until the end of the dinner that I found out he had never had omekase or really done raw sushi (other than a spicy tuna roll) before. Now he loves raw oysters and sushi with me.
- He was always interested in meeting my family and friends, and he was very interested in having me meet his friends. We went from having no mutual friends to a couple hundred today. Every single one of my friends and family members loved him.
To me, all of his actions, so consistent, said more than he needed to. I saw (and still see) a man who believes in integrity, has great work ethic, loves to learn and try new things, does what he says he'll do, and says what he will actually do. The integrity/loyalty is really important to me too. I'm a new-feminist (meaning women and men are equal, but different), and just adore it when a man is chivalrous. It helps that my husband has a good southern upbringing (North Carolina).
Yes... I'm still smitten when I talk about my husband. I hope to never stop... even at our 10 years... 20 years... and 50 years together, forever. Having a marriage and partnership like this is like being at the top of life.